8.13.2013

Guest Post: Cindy Holbrook of CoachingForDivorcedWomen.com

Today's guest poster is a dear friend and mentor of mine, Cindy Holbrook. I first met Cindy when she became my divorce coach in May of this year and our weekly discussions have been instrumental in my healing process. If you're going through a divorce and need direction, an unbiased listening ear, and someone to cheer you on as you begin your new life, I would highly recommend speaking with a divorce coach. Cindy offers a complimentary 60-minute introduction session if you'd like to learn more. Visit her website here!

7 Ways a Divorce Coach Can Help You

Your emotions are high while you are going through a divorce. At times you may not even understand all of your feelings, causing you to do or say something that you really regret.

When you announce your divorce you are typically not greeted with tons of helping hands ready to support you. They are not there for you to cry on. They do not bring you food to be sure you are eating. Instead, you are usually bombarded with statements and questions such as:

·      Why, what happened?
·      He was never good enough for you anyway.
·      You deserve so much better.
·      God doesn’t like divorce.
·      You didn’t try hard enough.
·      What did you do to save your marriage?
·      I knew it wasn’t going to work out.

Or, you are hit with the fact that some of your friends do not even associate with you anymore.

Going through a divorce is considered the second largest stressor in life. The first one is the death of a spouse. Yet, society in general does not treat you with the same empathy and support that you need to get through this challenging time in your life.

A great way to heal, love and find inner peace during and after your divorce is to work with a divorce coach.

     1)    Talk out your feelings in a safe nurturing environment without fear of retaliation or your ex finding out about it. A divorce coach will guide you as you work through and sort out all of your emotions including, rage, jealousy, revenge, sadness and fear.

     2)    A divorce coach can help you gain clarity about what type of settlement you want and need. Remember, every decision that you make right now has the capability of affecting you for the rest of your life.

     3)    A divorce coach can save you money because you will not be telling your story and all of the drama around it to your attorney. This leaves room for the attorney to do his job.

     4)    A divorce coach helps you to navigate the new life of being single. You are losing your identity as a married woman. The depth of your confusion around this matter, may lay in how long you were married. It’s time for you to discover who you are and what you want without having to consider how it will affect your husband.

     5)    A divorce guide brainstorms with you to find the best path for you to follow to overcome your fears about the future. Many women fear becoming a bag lady or being sad and depressed for the rest of their lives. The core fear is simply, the fear of the unknown. You thought you knew what your future was going to look like, and that future has been pulled out from under your feet.

     6)    A divorce coach can assist you in determining what type of career path you should take, if any. If you never worked, or just worked part time jobs for some extra money, you will probably need to consider what you want to do in order to secure your financial future.

     7)    When you are ready to date again and possibly find your real Mr. Right, your divorce coach can assist you in pinpointing what type of man you are looking for as well as what red flags you should look for.

You may be asking, so why not just go to a therapist? There is a vast difference between a therapist and a coach. A therapist typically tries to help you understand your feelings by delving into your past. Though your past will probably come up during coaching, the primary goal of the coaching agreement is to help you get from where you are to where you want to be. The focus is on the present and what you are able to do now in order to secure the future that you desire.

During life we all have our ups and downs. Regardless how bad you feel right now regarding your divorce, you will not feel this way forever. Think of your divorce as a stepping stone in your life journey to help you grow and develop into the beautiful being you are meant to be.

There is no reason that you have to walk along the painful path of your divorce alone. 

Cindy Holbrook is a certified divorce coach and founder of CoachingForDivorcedWomen.com.  She understands your fear, despair, loneliness and confusion as she left an emotionally abusive marriage after 20 years. Sign up for her “Life After Divorce” newsletter (http://www.coachingfordivorcedwomen.com/coping-with-life-after-divorce-newsletter/)  to receive encouragement, tips and support during and after your divorce.

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