I'm divorced, unemployed, in debt, and living with my parents, but I'm surprisingly okay.
In fact, I'd venture to say that I'm more than okay. I'm not afraid. I'm ready. I'm excited. I'm happy. This next chapter in my life has absolutely no direction and I'm alright with just exploring the possibilities right now. I can do and be whatever/whoever I want to be and the fact that it's all up to me and I don't have to consider anyone else in the matter, the fact that I only have to look out for #1, is liberating.
Remember this post from only a few short weeks ago when I was still coming to terms with living alone? And this post from when I was sad about having to pack up my old life with Josh and start over without him? How about this post where I didn't want to live in a world where I didn't know him anymore?
Those feelings are gone. They ran off and I can't find them anywhere. I don't know where they are and when exactly they left, but I don't mind. In truth, I don't care to find them ever again. I know I'll go through spurts of grief here and there through the coming months, but they'll be fleeting.
Today I'm relishing where my heart and mind are at this very moment. They're on fire. And in the best way possible.
With Josh never being home (he doesn't even have a bed here anymore) and 90% of the stuff packed up and moved out of the apartment, closure is taking place. It's a process, but closure is coming nonetheless. I don't even notice that he's gone anymore. We're no longer friends on Facebook. Everyone knows we're divorced now. And the only times I find myself thinking of him are on the rare occasions that he is home or if there's something move related that we need to discuss.
I'm beginning to think that if I had the financial means at the moment, I'd be able to live on my own (as in, in my own apartment *gasp!*) when our lease is up in only one short week and be perfectly okay.
I'm beginning to believe in my strength.
I've got this.