Our current "situation" has been predictably confusing to most people. We expected the confusion and the questions. Most divorces are messy, and understandably so, with name-calling, lawyers prodding so they can get more billable hours, and extra-heightened emotions. With all that, what was once a starry-eyed pair of honeymooners spirals into two monsters pitted against each other out of spite. It's just a back and forth battle of one person hurting the other and no one wins.
But very early on, Josh and I made a pact; we would both be victors, when all was said and done. No one was going to be the "loser" in this divorce. Our inevitable end wouldn't just be amicable, it would be friendly.
Personally, I think we've done better than most in a situation of this nature. That's not to say we don't have bad days - neither of us is perfect - but we've done our best to keep kindness a priority. When one of us says something spiteful or hurtful to the other, we ask for forgiveness almost immediately because we realize that we're both to blame. Josh may have been the one to initiate the divorce, but just like we fell in love together and built a life together, we also fell apart together. It was a team effort, from start to finish.
We don't hate each other. And we do talk smack...to each other's faces. That doesn't mean we don't fight, get pissed as hell at each other, or have days when we just want to strangle the other person. But it doesn't mean we're at each other's throats 24/7 either. It hurts like hell to lose a person you once loved, so it is painful, but that doesn't mean you need to inflict more.
Moral of the story? It is possible to have a friendly divorce. Whether you're the one who initiated the divorce or not, if you truly love or ever did love your soon-to-be ex-spouse, you don't treat them like shit during or after your divorce. Josh is my best friend. And I am his. Best friends don't treat each other like shit, no matter the circumstances.
Your experience can be hateful, which in turn equals twice as much pain for both of you and doubles the time it'll take you to recover. Or your experience can be sad, heartbreaking even (as divorce almost always is), but give you the opportunity to start the healing process sooner because you and your ex-spouse decided to be nice to each other. It's as simple, and as difficult, as that.
Choose anger or choose peace. Choose resentment or choose recovery. Choose to hate the man who wants to live his life apart from you or choose thankfulness for the opportunity to get to know yourself again and be stronger for it.
It's all up to you.