This weekend I found out some news that should have made me happy - an old friend of mine announced that she was pregnant. Normally, I WOULD be happy about this news, but since the day we met this girl has made her life a contest, a race against mine.
When she and I met, Josh and I had been dating for a year and were recently engaged. She immediately gave her boyfriend of 2 years an ultimatum. When he didn't deliver, she cheated on him and dumped him...for a guy in the military. Then Josh and I got married in under 4 months and she was engaged to her new boyfriend by the end of that year.
Soon after they got engaged, she moved across the country to live with him and started nannying...for twin girls. Go figure. At first I assumed that marrying men in the military and moving to the East Coast was just a coincidence, but this new development proved that she wasn't just in a similar place in life; she was deliberately copying my life and racing to the "finish line."
This August, they got married, started trying to conceive immediately, closed on a house last week, and announced they were pregnant this weekend. And by the way she's acted from Day 1, I see that all of this is a way for her to "get ahead." It's her way of beating me at life.
But what's winning if its not real? What is having it all if your marriage isn't for love? What is it worth if you're only having a child to say you did it before everybody else? Why go into debt to purchase a house when its only to rub it in everyone's faces?
At this point in the game, I don't WANT to have it all - the cars, the house, the dream job, the offspring. Its so much work and neither Josh nor I have the time or energy to keep up with the responsibilities all those "adult successes" entail.
Right now, I don't want to have it all. I just want to have it all together.