6.28.2011

Incommunicable

Yesterday was officially 2 weeks since I last wrote a true blog post. That kind of depresses me.

I typically love writing and sharing experiences, but since we've returned from our honeymoon I've been in a deep funk. Not just writer's block or boredom with blogging.

I woke up this morning and didn't feel like updating My Happy Plan. I don't feel like posting for WILW tomorrow. I made my favorite recipe last night and didn't even care about sharing it with you.

It goes beyond blogging and into sleep deprivation, lack of appetite, irritability, anxiety, and lack of motivation...not an ounce of energy in me (which is even worse now because I start my job on July 6th!).

I've actually had a few major meltdowns since we've been home. I couldn't fall asleep, would attempt to mentally diagnose myself by delving into my past, and end up on the bathroom floor in tears.

There's a bigger problem at large here. I have an idea of what this could be and when I find a way to put it into words, I'll keep it real and possibly let you into the darkest places of myself.

For now, Josh and I are looking into my options as far as what types of psychological help our military insurance will cover. We're doing everything we can to find a solution.

I want so badly to blog. I'm dying to share our honeymoon adventures and our long-overdue apartment pictures and some awesome recipes with you, but right now I just can't get myself to write. And even if I did, it wouldn't be the same me. It wouldn't feel right and I would look back at those posts and want to re-do them. Like any good perfectionist I'd rather just do them right the first time around, so I hope you can all understand that I'm in need of a break.

I don't want to stop blogging, as this is my outlet. It's a way to stay in touch with friends, to learn new things, to gain insight...but until we can get this issue under control I need to focus on healing.

I'm going to miss this little old blog greatly, and I hope you won't stop following just because I'm taking some time off, but I promise I'll be back and I promise to still be my true self when I return.

3 comments:

Cindy P said...

I'm glad you're taking care of yourself and I hope you get better real soon! I've missed you for sure! I will anxiously await the day of your real return to blogging. =)

moyra said...

Be true to yourself and how you feel.
Sometimes dealing with things deep inside are pretty tough. So worth it in then end. Good luck and keep you chin up.

Relevant Notes Blog said...

I understand the need for a blog break. Take care of yourself, and I can't wait to keep reading when you get back!

Feel free to send me an email if you want to talk to someone :)

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